New York Toxicology experts determined that collective damage from New York neighborhood farting was a far more serious threat than the possibility of airborne asbestos from last’s weeks steam pipe explosion.

"Yes, the explosion was frightening, and brought back memories of 911, but thankfully, there was no terrorism link. We are hoping for a complete recovery for the victims of this unfortunate event," said a spokesperson from the New York Mayor’s office.

"We are focusing our attention on conventional sources of pollution that are part of the city back ground ‘noise’ because our sensors are registering no new pollutants," he continued. "People get used to their neighborhood smell, then panic in a crises, and don’t realize that it is the same old armpit that they have been sleeping with for years"

British Fashion Police ask for Andrei Lugovoi’s immediate extradition from Russia.

"While it is bad enough that he dribbled radioactive Polonium-210 all across Europe and the UK before he got it into Letvinenko’s tea," said Britain’s MK5 ‘s fashionista department, " His suit and tie is a far worse offense, and should be shot on sight, without a trial. How unfortunate that Lugovoi may still be wearing the suit when it happens."

Russian authorities took immediate offense. "Extradition is not possible under our constitution, no matter how badly our citizens dress. Our billionaire oligarchs have no better taste in suits than Lugovoi."

"Admittedly," they added, "His look would have pulled together better if his tie had matched the striped orange and white traffic cone behind him in the photo".

Crackle, of the Famed Trio Snap, Crackle and Pop, Dies

Crackle, of the famed trio that graced Rice Krispie boxes for decades, has passed away, a company spokesman said today.

Crackle, born in 1932 as Willie "Crackle" Finsterbottom, was drawn to the field of cereal advertising and entertainment by his great uncle, the legendary "Poppin' Oats Otis".

It wasn't long before Crackle met the men he would spend the next several decades working with--Ernest "Snap" Williamson and Franklin "Pop" Zander--in a Brooklyn bread line.

Though Crackle's career was a brilliant and lengthy one, it was not without it's troubles. In 1949, a brief but torrid affair with Maxine Andrews of The Andrews Sisters, ended, causing Crackle to sink into a deep depression, followed by repeated attempts to take his own life by tying a lug nut to his foot and jumping into a bowl of milk.

Saved on several occasions by Snap and Pop, Crackle sought counselling and was soon back to his old self, spending many ensuing years honing his craft.

Following a tumultuous three-month marriage to actress Liz Taylor in the late 60's, Crackle sought meaning in several different religions. A brief stint in the Manson Family, along with dabbling in black magic and voodoo, nearly cost Crackle his job with Kellogg's, but company executives decided to give him a second chance.

Many also remember Snap, Crackle, and Pop's legendary appearance at Woodstock, an event marred after Snap ingested, against all advice, the "brown acid". He then climbed the scaffolding, removed his clothes, and went off on a profanity-laced diatribe against the Vietnam War and President Nixon.

Ever the seeker, in later years, Crackle embraced Scientology, which he admits he joined only to get to meet Tom Cruise, then later the Raelian Cult, and most recently the Reverend Moon's "Unity of Sciences" group.

Kellogg's has announced the team will continue on, with comedian Pauly Shore taking the place of the late breakfast legend.

"We're confident the team of 'Snap, Pop, and Shore' will be a big hit with the breakfast consumer", said Kellogg spokesman Bernie Rankmiddle.

Funeral arrangements are pending, but it is expected that pallbearers will include Snap, Pop, Sneezy from the Seven Dwarfs, a life-long friend of Crackle, and Gary Coleman, who just wants the publicity.

He is survived by a wife, and the undying love of his millions of fans.